Cart0 items - $0.00

SEXXXY EDDY "NUDIE MAGAZINE DAY" AD & DIEHARD DESIGNS TV COMMERCIAL BANNED FROM FACEBOOK!?!


Just when we thought it was safe to post an ad on The Sugar Mountain, promoting our own snarky twist on this pervy pro rassler...we get shut down like a small business during the "Planned-demic."  These brotherfuckers.  AAAAAAAAAH!

(That face when you're breech-birthing ahobgoblin that looks like Hitlery KKKillTons getting censored online.)

Speaking of screaming into the mic so loud that you blow out the ear drums of the CIAgent assigned to eavesdropping on your telecommunications...Dallas Bones had the same kinda beef with this cyborg butt puppet known as Hal Data Zuckerborg.  Catch up on the latest twist in cyber censorship with our article called "ALEX JONES SOMETHING SOMETHING CENSORED N STUFF" by clicking HERE or the image below:

(That NEW Uncanny X-Men vs Star Trek: The Next Generation arcade game is lookin' wild, yo!)



But you might be thinking that SeXXXy Eddy & Diehard Designs aren't conspiracy theory gatekeepers (just regular "alternative theorists"...like Nirvana mixed with Jake the Asshole) who never mention the (((chosen ones)))...(cuz it's illegal to do so)...we're just tiny blips on the radar.  Small pings in the A.I. system tracking thought criminals...in comparison to InfoWars/Prison Planet/NewsWars & Alex Jones.  So how the hell did this happen to us?  No really...we are asking you, the people, if you know...HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN...AND WHY!?! 

(We've hired Liam Neeson to get down to the bottom of this caper.  Want to help pay for his investigative services?  Donate HERE.)

We can't call these thick, black framed glasses-wearing geeks and ask them a question that might help us...neither can you...they're not Ghostbusters, bro.  No no...they're GhostBastards...never there when you need them...but always there to steal your private information & location data for the "contact tracers" & diddlers who want to sell your lil' sister to some rich Arab dude with a secret torture basement.  When you try to chat with Zuck's non-existent human serfs (if they do exist, they're likely forced to dress as Sex Slave Leia...guys too)...you get vague, pre-programmed bot replies.  While Quantum computer innovation is helping create CGI indistinguishable from reality so they can fake a Mars & Moon mission in 4K UHD, it ain't done shit for Farcebook...other than help them identify anyone who thinks the Kenosha Commie Stopper was a hero & hit them with a ban hammer.  Speaking on the Kenosha Kid...have you heard his ballad?


🎶A.R. On A Sling🎶 is that 🆕 hot shit:

(Makes you want to cop that real cowboy drip just like Marty...err...Eastwood...Clint Eastwood.)

Holey biceps, Batman...Wisconsin comin' in with that fire slow ride alternate version:

(Alright...that's just too much.  We're gettin' carried away like a casket at an African funeral.)


"Hey, hold up!  Wait a minute...slow it down, bub!  Who the hell is SeXXXy Eddy anyways?" you might be thinking if you're new to (or comfortably oblivious to)...the hardcore indie wrestling scene & Death Matchery.  Well, for the unacquainted, let's introduce the star of this particular censored show before we shitcan Spacebook some more...with a "long winded screed" overselling every aspect of this rassleman.  For the rest of you who already know...read the tongue twisting tale of the tape, if you like...or skip ahead and buy the shirt already:


"Banging broads & bustin' nuts" sounds like a 🆕 National Lampoon's movie...(or the exact same thing said twice, using a thesaurus)...but what if they were two different things that, when miXXXed together, fittingly described the life of a promiscuous Pro Wrestling Legend that would put Larry Flynt's lust for the ladies to shame & tap out Hugh Hefner's feeble frame with a fierce headlock?  What if there was such a massively popular manwhore that traveled the world, battling prize fighters, tappin' out téchnicos, out strikin' strong style studs, competing in horrific Death Match Tournaments against all sorts of ultraviolent vermin, & then afterwards...sometimes before & even during a match...banging broads. Like lots of'em. Like Flair-level broad bangage but times 69K?  ("Hey, it could happen" - McWorld...'cuz fuck your astroturf #METOO  (bowel) "movement", ya PC PUSSIES!)  AND what if said Bang Bro also busts nuts....(not that kind of "nut" you filthy, filthy boy)...as in he kicks crazy dick's in their pork n' beans & mangles maniacs' mushes with mercury-laden light tube bundles?  What if we told you he wasn't just a Team Captain of the Bang Bus or a mythical man of mat wrestling lore but an actual, real life being? 

You could say he's a gigolo, you could say he's a grappler...but the ladies think he's a god among mere mortals...rockin' a thong & bow tie.

  This legendary lady lovin' lunatic luchadore from Very Long Beach, California is legit...and his name is SeXXXy Eddy!  You need proof, aye?  Eddy helped create The International Wrestling Syndicate, one of the most popular hardcore wrestling promotions in all of North America.  He's an innovator, creating moves like the "Vaginal Claw" (no description needed, hopefully) & the "Garbagesault"...a dangerous top rope moonsault done while a metal garbage can is over his head...blockin' his vision completely but if hit, destroyed his opponents!
(That's Get Head Ed taking out the trash!)

He's faced & beaten the best...with a list as long as his shlong featuring stars like Kevin "CoVid Karen" Owens, Commie Zayn, Sonjay Dutt, Mike Quackenbush, B-Boy, Nate Webb, the late "Sweet N' Sour" Larry Sweeney, Christian Able,
Danny Havoc, & JC Bailey, The Green Phantom, Madman Pondo, Joey Ryan, Chuck Taylor, LuFisto, Gran Akuma, Scotty Vortekz, Pierre Carl Ouellet, UltraMantis Black, Sabian, Viking, Diehard Dustin Lee, Ruckus, Beef Wellington, Jack Evans, The H8 Club (Nick Gage & Nate Hatred), Thumbtack Jack, Mayumi Ozaki, & WWF legend Brutus "The: Barber/Booty Man/Diciple" Beefcake.  (Oh and probably a grip of them of Wild Rose Productions hoes, too. 😉)  

We could keep going and going...kind of like how Eddy keeps going & going in the bedroom...but you get the idea!  So don't be embarrassed...many have fallen for this Cocky Canadian after reading all about his international in-ring & in-bed victories.  The vapors (natural pheromones mixed with not-so-mysterious light tube dust) are starting to getcha now.  You might as well face it...you're addicted to Sexxxy Eddy!

FIN

(We've sped up the final credits due to network TV time restrictions.)



We know what you're about to say:  "Wow!  A description so vividly graphic that you can imagine it as a live-action movie!"  We can see it now: "SEXXXY EDDY: THE NIGHT HE CAME."  "SEXXXY EDDY: SLOPPY SECONDS."  "SEXXXY EDDY: COMES AGAIN."  Then a few holiday specials like "SEXXXY EDDY: SCARED STIFF," "SEXXXY EDDY SKANKSGIVING DAY," and "SEXXXY EDDY MEATS MRS. CLAUS" become classics.  Then we drop that "SEXXXY EDDY TAKES MANHATTAN TO BED."  Bring Kevin SmithTim Burton in to do a "SEXXXUAL EDWARD SCISSORHANDS LIVES" script treatment & costume fitting THEN cancel it at the last minute so a documentary can be made about it 20 years later.  Top it off with a futuristic Ball Earth Multiverse Sci-Fi Horror B-movie called "SEXXXY EDDY X."  Then, just when you thought a dead horse was beaten into a pile of dirt & dust...we drop that "SEXXXY EDDY VS FREDDY" on'em before a failed reboot attempt simply titled "SEX ED."  After that, we bring in Rob Zombie for a dirty film grain-littered, grimy, white trash snuff version...then swing it back around to a sequel linking the original to get back to basics formula when the fans grow nostalgic of the classic.  You're welcome, Hollywood.


Now that you're all caught up...you might be wondering..."Why would that Pro Wrestling Playboy get banned?  Did he whip out his wenis or something?"  Nah, son.  THIS👇 is the ad got banned by Narc Suckaturd's Facebook.
 

Zuck's Zombies also "rejected" us from selling our design from their Facebook Pages' commerce gimmick:


"THOSE are were banned!?! For what?" you might scream into your phone, monitor(s), scrying mirror, and/or planitír.

Was it for A.) Nudity?  Sweet, sweet nudity?

There's no nurples peakin' and no woo woos(That's all covered up under a towel.)  Hell, Cardi B(imbo)'s WAP music video is a "How To" tutorial on becoming a Red Light District harlot with throat warts and she gets to talk to former Vice Tyrant, Creepy Joe.  While her pseudo-porno has more nudity than the custom printed Sexxxy Eddy merch we offer...it's all over YouTube & both of Zuck's platform(Along with the 666 gorillion THOTS who think they're InstaGram models.)

Was it for B.) Curse Words that conjure up demons from the netherrealm(Uh...if you're summoning folks...Spawn please.)

There's no cussin'...not a drink swiggin' sailor in sight.  There's no rappers' "Explicit Lyrics" and absolutely no rated R comedians.

Was it C.) Ultra-Violence?

Can't be.  There's not any actual violence depicted in the artwork...only the after affect of violence.  That's like posting a picture of your arm in a cast and some baby-aborting satanic hagwitch at Cognizant deletes it for "Violation of the Verbal Morality Statute."  It definitely does not feature violence of the ultra kind.  Actual "Ultra Violent" Death Match Wrestling videos are all over Marky Mark's website(For now.  Best they cower to the Communist takeover of Wrestling & never utter an independent thought contrarian to the NPC hivemind regarding any social issue...or even take photos with any fans thought criminals whom the self-appointed Social Justices disapprove of...cuz rasslers just might find themselves cornered into starting their own companies & trying to funnel folks over to their PPV streaming sites by promoting through Banned.video or BitChute....or go back to selling DVDs & MP4 downloads like Smart Mark Video.  Ask Shlak...he's got nu-fascist fan-police & neo-puritanical pronoun perverts lurkin' on him like The Eye of Sauron.) 

You got dudes like Masashi Tekada going viral after video of him getting dropped onto a "bed" of finely crafted Japanese kitchen knives by "The Dark Prince" Orin Veidt...(which is more of a MDK than a pro rasslin' finishing move)...spread all over the mainstream social media ghettos like the wacky trend of wearing filthy Kung Flu Face Diapers.  In addition, UFC is as popular with LifeLog victims users these days as the NBA became to kids in the 90's after the government forced networks to trade cartoons for "sports shows" to brainwash them condition them "motivate them" to be more active.  Video game, movie, and comic book violence abounds.  From Mortal Kombat's detailed Fatalities being turned into highlight compilation videos to be oogled in the millions...to The Walking Dead's mass murder & corpse mutilation being normalized to the point of it having a fuckin' uber-cakey talk show just to gossip about "a soap opera with guts"...to The Batman shattering the bones of a poorly prepared Juggalo in the new movie trailer that dropped at DC Fandome.  We're certainly not complaining...keep the blood flowing...that's our bag, baby.  Our question is...why us? 

Was it D.)  The title?  "Nudie Magazine Day"?  If you don't know...it's a parody inspired by a scene from Billy Madison's drunken quest towards the mailbox to retrieve his special delivery.


Was it E.)  The reference to "Women of Russian Water Sports"?  What's wrong with The Olympics?  And didn't the nise no nyūsu say that Orange Man Bad also enjoyed ladies dabblin' in a little bit of the bubbly?


Was it F.)  The red high heels?  Sure, there's that creepy rumor that pedovores (a cross between a sneaky kid diddler deserving of a curb stomp & a vampire-like cannibal) kidnap or buy kidnapped kids, they release them in the woods...chase them down on horseback, catch'em, then do all sorts of Texas Chainsaw Massacre-meets-Silence of the Lambs-type shit to 'em like in Blumhouse parodied in The Hunt.  And to top it off...they skin the poor lil' buggers to make human leather for their secret red shoe hunting cabal.  Having these babies (pun intended) is supposedly like a socially distanced secret handshake.  You got the kicks...you get the wink & a nod...the other occultic cult members know you're in The Hellfire Club with them.  Couldn't have been the shoes.


Was it G.)  The phrase "Barely Legal Cosplay Babes"?  Hizell to the nizo! (Kizarny for "HELL NAH, SON!")  Just take a quick gander at the infinite plethora of Sexy Cosplay FB Groups.  So unless Mr. Z only hypocritically applies the selective prudish dress code rules to us...then it can't be that.

(Helloooooo nurse!)

Was it H.) ALL OF THE ABOVE?
Nope. The answer is X:

NONE OF THE ABOVE!

The artwork, a collaboration between cartoonist Sei Ozawa & Diehard Dustin Lee, commemorates a moment in Death Match History where Sexxxy Eddy was in a battlefight with light tubes & an M-80 Half Stick 'O' Dynamite named The Arsenal...when the artery in his forearm was gashed open, a dark crimson geyser erupted, forming a rainbow of blood as he flexed...which he then, shocking as it was...on the fly, unscriptedly, if you will...sprayed his own plasma into his mouth while sticking his tongue out.  It was cannibalistic, it was dangerous, and it was unforgettable.  Check it out for yourself in this classic commemorative music video by talented YouTuber, Charismatic Creation, that totally crushes:

("Taste The Rainbow" x ANDRENOCHROME > HELLUVA DRUG)

(Quick reminder: Wrestlers like SeXXXy Eddy and Arsenal can be seen on FiteTV+)


  Sexual Edward's wildly-innappropriate-for-reality-but-perfectly-appropriate-for-underground-gonzo-grappling response to his unfortunate, untimely injury launched him into indie wrestling legendary status as it t'was "The Squirt Heard 'Round the World"!  But here...while the artwork is definitely paying homage to that specific moment in time...the cartoon wound on Ed's wrist is blocked with a sweet lil' heart and the hemoglobin spurting out, one could argue, could be a scrumdiddlyumptious strawberry jam fondue fountain.  Who's to say really?

In addition to the bizarre banning of our snarky SeXXXy Eddy "Nudie Magazine Day" promo, Tracebook's RTC (Right To Censor aka the secret kings) deemed our rad video ad...that merely features video of our products & services with our cool, monstery twistNOT APPROVED.


(Legend has it that Kim's favorite song goes: 🎶BBC 1, BBC 2, BBC 3, BBC 4, BBC 5, BBC 6, BBC 7, BBC HEAVEN!🎶  She thinks she knows which BBC is being referred to in the song but she's wrong.)


Behold the aforementioned "rad video ad" created in collaboration with the video mastery of Pancoast Productions:


Considering everything you just read and after viewing our TV commercial...may we ask you:  What was wrong with that?  Who hell knows, bro.  Maybe it needs more rainbows, fancy pants, & lollipops?  Look...they play racist ass Black-ish at like 4pm when kids get out of brainwash camp school...where in one episode (the last one we ever tolerated) a YT girlfriend of the teenage boy...err...teenage person did a...dare we say it...a Jamaican accent. 😱


This 9/11-equivilent tragic event triggered the entire rebooted Huckstable fam to Talcum Xplain to her how, due to her God-given 100% EVIL pigment (or lack there of)...she wasn't "allowed" to do a Jamaican accent.  That's on TV.  (Or "Hulu" if you're one of those assholes who says you don't watch TV but you watch streaming TV shows so really you do watch TV but want to virtue signal that you choose your TV shows rather than have them brought to you by the network's pre-planned scheduling.)  When your kids/nieces & nephews/grandkids/little brothers & sisters get home.  (Or anytime if you have Hulu.)  For real.  Imagine for a moment...the family from Full House telling a black person they can't do a "nerdy white guy" voice.  Now arrest yourself for a wrongthink, you racist P.O.S.  (Retrain your brain to think correctly in lockstep with the globalists with Hulu so you can avoid an ever-expanding array of arcane punishments for thought crimes that could include fines, imprisonment, and pain compliance through strikes, joint manipulation, electrocution, chemical weapons, incendiary devices, & use of less lethal & usually lethal weapons.)  That'd be rude as fuck for ANYONE to say that ANYONE of ANY COLOR is banned from making their voice sound different for a joke.  Is the cop who got stabbed in the forehead in Scream 4 seriously going to police sounds now?  (Remember "6 Inch Voices"?)


Anyways, that's Black-ish's now-normalized naked racism, which is A-OK approved by the terroristic trident of ABC/Disney/Hulu & re-ran daily in syndication but a squeaky clean G-Rated Scooby-Doo-esque TV commercial for our business is treated like it's snuff film from 8MM starring Nickolas Cage.  Go figure, aye?

You know, it's kind of cool actually...that we get our ads banned.  We join the ranks of other things that got banned and became even more popular afterwards: 

Moonshine


Cannabis


Gangsta Rap in the 90's

(Now that we think about it and looking at the destruction this mind control "music" has caused...maybe it should've remained as illegal as fentanyl.)

Sexy chicks in video games, cartoons, & comic books


Violence in video games, cartoons, & comic books


Pro Wrestling


So-called "conspiracy theories" that make more sense than the mainstream narratives


MEMES

(We all know that the slur "hateful meme" is a code word for any piece of artwork that effectively exposes the cosmopolitan elites, reveals chomo attempts at sexualizing children, and/or disagrees with any mainstream political/medical/military narrative...whether you're joking or not.  You must make the correct type of political cartoons, memes, & jokes in order to have them pre-approved by the commissar.  And here's a pro tip: If you want to Tweet jokes...run them by Scientism Wizard Toe Rogan first so they don't offend rape joker Anthony Jesslenick.)


Horror Movies


If you happen to dig these types of frightening flicks...you might also like "HORROR MOVIE" by D13HARD, which is banned from the radio:


Owen Benjamin


Owen Shroyer


Automatic Weapons


Lawn Darts


Vaping


Million Dollar Extreme on Adult Swim


Harmless Health, Weight Loss, & "Get Out Of Debt" Advice

(Still not one Sackler in prison for the oxycontin scandal.)

Raw Milk


UFC

(This cage fighting stuff was on par with "Faces of Death" to most kids back in the 90's.  You heard of it...you might have even seen the VHS tape box cover art at your local video store but your folks would always say "NO!  You're not allowed to rent that garbage.  EVER."  It was the "Official RedRyder, carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time" of the time.)

And discussions of Flat Earth.


You guys give up? Or are you thirsty for more?  We also got suspended from communist Twitter(Shocking, right?)  Read that story HERE or by clicking the banner below:

Want to DEFEND COMEDY, FREE SPEECH, & INDIVIDUAL LIBERTY ONLINE?  We need your help to PUSH BACK AGAINST BIG GUV, BIG TECH, BIG PHARMA, & #OPERATIONMOCKINGBIRD MEDIA GATEKEEPERS!  $UPPORT our work with ART, NEWS, COMEDY, REVIEWS, FREE SPEECH, & THE PRINTING PRESS by clicking HERE.

Comments


*

*

*