Pure Speculation by Diehard Dustin Lee
October 16th, 2018
Word on the street (Elm Street > 21 Jump Street) is that an extremely frightening fragment of the upcoming HALLOWEEN film was shown privately to the ungrateful sheeple a general audience attending the Universal Pictures Panel at this year's San Diego Comic Con. That event was waaaaaaaay back in July (practically an eternity, right kids?) so the rumor mongers churned out the idea that perhaps the reason the snippet had yet to crash streaming video website servers connected through a mesh of undersea cables...was it was banned. Some of you are like "Wait! A sneak-peak of The Shape's return to his ol' stabbing grounds has been banned?" Rumors are spreading like the Communist News Network's #FakeNews reports about WMDs in Iraq...with whispers going around that this fear-inducing footage is, in fact, BANNED 🚫NLINE. Seems like speculaton...so let's play along. If this sneak-peak segment of M&M vs Haddonfield Part Deux Redux is in fact prohibited from going online like an ex-hacker...the question is: WHY?
If true...Halloween franchise historians, high on candy corn & the chewed-off mouthpieces of wax lips, are likely to dub this "The Banning of The Boogey Man." Just like Bearing, Diamond & Silk, Sargon of Akkad, Lauren Southern, Prager U, Cap'n Cummings, Mike Adams, InfoWars, Pamela Gellar, Roger Stone, Brittany Pettibone, Tommy Robinson, this lady's deeply moving campaign ad, Tommy Sotomayor, Bunty King, Anti-War & Libertarians Peter Van Buren, Scott Horton, and Daniel McAdams, The Free Thought Project, Anti-Media, Press for Truth, Police the Police, Filming Cops, CopBlock, Candice Owens, Owen Benjamin, Owen Shroyer, and many others who've been silenced in some way by social(ist) media monopolies...the extra-spooky extended preview for the 2nd direct sequel to John Carpenter's classic has been seemingly censored from the ol' intergalactic computer network for no reason. (Side Note: Guess what's not banned from appearing online? Not Owen Wilson, not "misogynistic" PlayBoy, not this serial killer sketchin' creep that brings abusive propaganda to school children, not the overtly racist MTV (the "M" isn't for music anymore...it stands for "Mao"), not NYT's Sarah Jeong, not Snoop Dogg aka Snoop Lyin', not Plies, not this alleged racist bigot who made an exploitative race-based revenge comic, and not this domestic terrorist.) Hold up, brother...that's a lot of moves words for an opening spot...breather...(gasps for air)...okay...let's go!
Trying to flush any of these aforementioned folks down the memory hole is almost instantaneously morphing mere mortals into legendary American martyrs. It's like how religious zealots (yester year's Far Right version of today's modern day SJWs) helped to inadvertently popularize rebellious rock stars; how the gooberment's "You can die for your country at 18 but can't savor the Satan's sippin' sauce until your 21" laws pushed underage high school & college party animals to try & buy beer like Stiles in Teen Wolf; like how censors trying to ban cantankerous comedians only helped open up a highly profitable adult commercial market; like how placing weed (which is non-lethal in damn near any amount unless a 10 ton bale fell on top of your head or maybe if you ate 22 kg or more in a single bite) on the DEA Drug Schedule 1 forced chronic cannabis users, trying to fight depression/fatigue/nausea/pain/cancer/brain damage & avoid opiate/alcohol/amphetamine addiction, to buck the international pharmaceutical oligarchy-controlled laws within the ever-suffocating planet-wide surveillance panopticon. You ban it...it becomes more popular. Remember when Big Van Vader walloped Ben Kenobi with the laser sword or when socialist media unpersoned Alex Jones?
(Remember when Obi-Wan & G.I. Jones were mashed up like Dark Claw from Amalgam Comics?)
(Remember when we said "laser sword"?)
Anyways...trying to 🚫 someone, or some thing...with the blackest eyes, the devil's eyes, only solidifies the legend. It's called The Streisand Effect. Oh you didn't know? Yo ass better call somebody! Here's the dealy, yo: The Shnozz...as she's been called by hilarious dudes insidious cis-hets just randomly driving by...once got quite pissy about the fact that a pro photog (not Peter Parker) was working for the Big Guv-sanctioned California Coastline Project website, snapping aerial pics of the beach & what not. (You know, in case the so-coms ever get into power & need to redistribute private property or so Al Gore can confuse shore erosion with rising sea levels.) That "what not" happened to include revealing shots of the ol' shniggity Shnozz's secretive compound, allegedly leading to a posh D.U.M.B....so she told dem boyz:
No, she wasn't lookin' to take this fella & a couple companies to Small Claims Court for a few hundy-sticks...she was demanding over $50 MILLION DOLL HAIRS total. Not Rands, not Pecos, not Shekels...but FIDDY MIL of Rod Tidwell's favorite currency...the U.S. Quan! Wowzers! 😮 Once the case was official, the paparazzi piranhas smelled plasma in the Pacific Ocean. Soon thereafter, the Mockingbird Media repeated the story in newsprint, on the boob tube, & online...and as word went viral among the peasants of the prison planet...it was like a mass broadcasting of a voodoo spell. Zombiefied hordes scurried towards the shrill, glass-shattering sound of The Shnozz screamin' 'til her scream comes true about not having her picture taken.
(The incident that started it all was once re-enacted by Steve Butabi, Robert Doback, & John C. Reilly.)
Legend has it that 420,000 NEW visitors flocked to the page to stare at still shots of Rozalin Focker's flat. Thus The Streisand Effect was born. Our hunch is that this concept is being applied here for Hallowe'en. (<--- How it's supposed to be spelled.)
Let's dig into this. What could be the reason or reasons, plural, that they might be holding this Halloween clip hostage like a garden gnome stole from your neighbors yard?
Here's the Top 5 reasons why they won't roll this beautiful bean footage for our online consumption:
1. THE STREISAND EFFECT
In theory...by not releasing the SDCC Exclusive Clip & by depriving the world wide web-connected Borg of even a tiny sip of Mike's October Ale...David Gordon Green, Kenny Powers, Jeff Fradley, "Kreepy Keys" Carpenter, Helen Tasker, original Shape - Nick Castle, the rest of the cast n' crew, Miramax, Universal, & all of BlumHouse Productions staff (and investors) will enjoy the bangin' box office numbers on opening weekend. Get the appetite worked up with a lil' whiff then say "no soup for you!" until opening night...now that's sure to help fill the theater with (blood) thirsty fans and their growling bellies. By using The Streisand Effect as a reverse psychological warfare tactic...Team 10/31 could score a Whammy.
(Dangertainment Death Match: Which MEME will win? sǝɯʎɥɹ ɐʇsnq :ɹǝʍsu∀)
2. TOO ULTRAVIOLENT
Rob Zombie's filthy gorenographic trash gritty & ultraviolent film style is hard to top...but it it's not impossible. Blumhouse ain't never scared...showing blood & bone breakage like they're capturing a live-action Mortal Kombat X-Ray Attack on film. See for yourself right here in the Red Band Trailer for "A.I. Venom" "Upgrade":
(And you thought you came here for Halloween news but you're being forced to watch transhumanism propaganda instead. Resistance Is Futile.)
Director David Gordon Green is also not a bitch when it comes to violencia...remember Pineapple Express?
(Oh yeah, you probably don't remember this scene because you got high before/while/after you watched it, Shaggy Rogers.)
With that in mind, it could be that the Halloween snippet is just too crazy with the cutlery to show to the normies? If that's true then this wack ass censorship is depriving all of us, the rabid, merch-guzzling Halloween fans, of our Trick 'r Treats. One could look at it as a positive sign if you are one of those sickos who prefer brutal grindhouse grit 'n' gore Michael Myers and hyper-realistic & gruesome kill scenes that you got used to from those "artistic" Sir Robert Bartleh Cummings films. However, we don't think it will be a "Devil's Rejects"-style torture porn so we're not buying possibility #2.
3. TOO SCARY
While being "too scary" sounds like an odd reason to hold back on a sneak preview, it's plausible. If you don't think it's even possible...then you may not have heard that YouTube banned a promo for the upcoming spooky Christian-mocking flick "The Nun." (The Preists were busy.)
(See? It's banned. No word yet on when it and IF will be restored...or when a horror film called "The Imam" comes out but we'll keep you posted.)
As a reaction to the banning, "The Nun" promo video was almost instantly sweeping across the Internet's socials & video streaming sites. Re-uploaders, reactors, & rebels who bucked Goolag's censors "just cuz" (Streisand Effect strikes again)...all tried to get in on the action...and all the hubbub was really just a basic jump scare. We assume that the possibly banned Halloween footage would probably have more than a cheap, hacky jump scare. Not that it won't have a a perfectly placed spook-a-boo spot...it just won't totally rely on the jump scare as a marketing gimmick. The fact that THE John Carpenter is once again working on the most iconic horror theme in history hopefully adds that petrifying feeling you got that very first time you saw & heard The Shape & that piercing piano form a Tag Team of Terror. From what we've gathered...the tone, the pace, the score, the setting, the atmosphere, the murders...it all adds to a truly terrifying experience that we haven't seen in theaters since...well...back in 1978.
(Scopolamine's a helluva a drug.)
4. SEEING IT WILL RUIN THE ENTIRE MOVIE FOR FANS
The secret snippet has been described as "lengthy" so that means it's likely giving away a huge segment of the whole enchilada. Which, if true, begs the question...why even show it to those basic bishes non-Halloween Fanatics? While we can't confirm...we'll go out on a limb to say that there weren't very many Halloween marks in attendance...at least not as many as there would have been had they had a dedicated room for just Halloween ish. Seems stupid to waste it but one could think of it this way - maybe by sort of weaving the myth that it's chilling to the core...the privileged few that got to witness the spook-tacle will go out among the masses of muggles to spread the urban legend of just how wildly wicked & witchy the direct sequel to John Carpenter's Masked Maniac Masterpiece is going to be.
(Speaking of the Halloween 2018 music...take a break & check out the full soundtrack:)
This could also mean that we are all about to be treated with an instant classic Shocktober Slasher and that the kayfabe surrounding Comic Con's occult cut is going to make us all appreciate the full film in it's glorious entirety all that much more. You wouldn't want to see a portion of a sports entertainment/puroreso/luchalibre/pro wrestling/MMA main event before it aired...would you? If you're like most of us...you don't want to watch the entire movie during the trailer. 3 seconds in: "I've seen enough!"
That unknown factor is what makes it fun to watch a pre-determined rasslin' match despite knowing that Vince, Quack, Super Dragon, & DJ chose the winners and tells the zebras when it's time to take it home & hit the count for that 3 second tan. You know David Blane isn't a real wizard like Gandolf or Dumbledore are and yet at the same time, you don't know how he does what he does so it becomes a mystery that fascinates you. Despite knowing Insane Blane's magic is really just a visual trickery, mental manipulation, & demonic energy from the 5th dimension...he pulls off street magic so well that you temporarily suspend your belief all because deep down...it's fun to be duped. We enjoy a good show. We appreciate a well-played work. We award talented actors with attention and "dolla dolla bills, y'all." We love being fooled. We like secrets. So think of it like this...part of Michael Myers' mystique is that he's a sort of one with the shadows. There's no reason to show too much of him. In fact, overexposure would remove the mystery...hence the reason he's not nakey like Patrick Batemen and instead clad in latex mask & greasy mechanic cover-alls. Maybe we should let the magic work in this instance as well. ("Forget about the clip...it doesn't exist." - Loop that mantra until you fully believe it.) Add to that the possibility that it's too ultraviolent & scary for the internet...(THE INTERNET?)...these are good signs!
5. CHINESE-STYLE INTERNET CNN-SORSHIP IS HERE!
Has it been shutdown by the ChiComs🇨🇳 colluding with Poison 🍏, SugarMountain, Jack Dorsey, & Goolag to subvert our 🇺🇸 internet freedoms? WOLVERINES!
(We know your Red Guard & Rusky tricks!)
SO...CAN ANYONE RECAP WHAT THE HELLOWEEN HAPPENED IN HALL "H"?
Supposedly the sneak peak begins with an extended cut of a smaller scene that can be seen in the first trailer - Michael bumping into Trick or Treaters! It's obvious by the reactions that the kids don't know he's The BoogieMan...they're definitely not as scared as they should be. Mike then heads up towards the house & saunters right into the garage or tool shed. (Probably looking for a snacky cake.) He starts rummaging through some tools and finds a basic hammer. A lady is about to chow down on a $5 Footlong when all the sudden she looks up to notice..."like...there's a guy with a hammer standing in my front room? Is he here to fix stuff?" No. No he's not. She flips the fugg out...probably totally spacing the fact that she has that aforementioned $5 Footlong (probably Steak & Cheese, on a toasted Italian Herbs & Cheese Bread) and tries to escape a mechanic with a pale Bill Shatner mask. Myers isn't having none of that so he says "Stop, Hammer Time." She dead. Just like in GTA, he upgrades to a kitchen knife because why wouldn't you upgrade to a kitchen knife. (Hammers < Kitchen Knives.) He goes to dip out and happens to stroll past a baby...and for some reason, he doesn't treat it like a voodoo doll...he let's it live. Weird. Anywho...Killer Mike bounces and on his way out, sees some teenyboppers with tig o' bitties across the way...over yonder. So of course, he makes a B-line straight at'em but before he carves his prey like a plump pumpkin...he's thrown off track by some more masked munchkins! (Whew! That was close!) Awe damn...the Trick or Treaters lead The Shape to a new target down the street! (Just when you thought "This movie just started but despite that, I think he's probably done killing people after that distraction by the masked child beggars.") Inside the house of the next victim...some poor lil' lady just got a call to warn her of pending M&M mayhem so she's running around, lockin' doors, securing the premises, and what not...when she goes to close her blinds and BAM! The Haddonfield Horror punches through the puny window like Kano punches through Raiden's flimsy chest bones...grabs her by the hair - YANK - then jookst her with a diamond-sharp shard of broken glass! (Others dispute this and say "NO! He uses the kitchen knife!" Like Diamond Donovan Douglas & Gweedo always say...it's merely speculation at this point!)
(Article Continues Below)
All of this was shot in 1 take, just like in the original opening with young Mikey telling everyone that he really doesn't like it after all. Next, there's a spot with Laurie Strode telling a guy who might be her ex-husband and her oldest daughter, Karen, played by Danielle Harris Judy Greer, that the cray cray killer she was always doomsday preppin' for..."you know, the one I told you about from way back in 1978...the maniac that killed my friends...I'm not crazy"...was being transferred (out of all possible dates) ON OCTOBER 31st & yep...you guessed it...he just so happened to escape after an Alanis Morissette-level "Ironic" prison bus crash. (It sounds strikingly similar to how Han Solo escaped Federal custody in The Fugitive.) That leads to a scene that shows off Laurie's version of Kevin McAllister's Trap House from Home Alone! No, Busta Rhymes (Woo-Ha!) is not filming shitty ass Dangertainment garbage in this crib. Think more like...that scene in T2 where they go to Enrique Salceda's to load up on gnarly grenade launchers & miniguns that were buried underground in a rusty but trusty tractor trailer. Laurie's ready like Sarah Connor waiting on T-1000 to find her relaxing in the Pescadero State Hospital for the Criminally Insane. You can tell Laurie's been to Don's Guns & InfowarsStore.com...alot. She's like the sole Suidlander of Haddonfield...just waiting for horrific plaasmoorde to morph into full-on "you gon' get dis revenge" genocide. Last shot has Laurie standing with her back to the door when suddenly The Shape that makes you shit your pants shatters the window like a Dragon Uppercut through a poisonous light tube, snatches her up by her neck, & holds the All Hallows Eve Heroine up in the air like a tree dangles ghost decorations. Then the piano clackin's cranks up and the logo fades into place as the viewers in Hall "H" were left frozen with chills going down their spines! Sounds spooky and all together ooky!
(Snap Snap x Infinity)
Jason Blum of Blumhouse, the production company behind this October treat, has been quoted saying "We're playing it very straight & serious and honoring the first film in every way." David Gordon Green, Jeff Fradley, & Danny McBride throw in a huge amount of rad vintage nods that appear throughout the film, paying homage to not just one...but ALL the previous entries. We've already spotted a few Easter Eggs in the very first Halloween 2018 trailer paying homage to often misunderstood and underappreciated Halloween III: Season of the Witch.
(These kids are headin' home to watch the 📺 @ 9PM for the Silver Shamrock "Big Giveaway.")
("Don't watch it with your mask on, Ted." - Ted's Wife, Nagatha. "Don't tell me my business Devil Woman!" - Nagatha's Husband, Ted. Ted watches it with his mask on. Ted dies.)
With all that said, would you like to take a peak...if you could? It's been a while and it comes out this week so one would think that some fella's crazy boo, like Brenda, would have by now filmed it with a MiniDV Camcorder & burned a bootleg DVD...but at this point, no dice. 😞
Instead of tracking down a pirated disc or reading our novelesque regurgitation of someone's recollection of what they think they saw in Hall H (basically what you just did)...you can just watch that HALLOWEEN TRAILER, from #SDCC, featuring the rumored-to-be-banned/definitely long withheld footage and see what they got right:
While you're here...check out the other Halloween 2018 Trailers.
The 1st Trailer:
Here's the 3rd Trailer:
And the 4th & Final Trailer:
Let's not forget the real reason this all started...good o' 1978's Halloween! Peep the Classic Trailer:
And lastly, let's pay our respects to the sequel this new one is replacing...good ol' Halloween II:
(Maybe instead of saying the 2018 sequel is"replacing/erasing" Halloween II (1981)...we can look at that different storyline as part of a "Choose Your Own Adventure" horror experience.)
Will you be heading to drive-in or closed-in theater this October 19th? Will you be waiting for this to hit the Family Video aisles, Skynet's RedBox, & Streaming Services? Or will you be buying it on DVD or BluRay? Let us know in the comments below!
Happy Halloween! 🎃
(No, Halloween hasn't been moved to October 19th...Halloween the movie comes out on 10-19...Halloween the holiday is still on 10-31.)
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