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AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR ORIGINAL SEQUEL TITLE LEAKED!?!

Thought Crime by Diehard Dustin Lee James Gunn and Wanda Sykes
April 1st, 2019  April 26th, 2019  MAY  June 30th, 2019  July 3rd, 2019

Oops...scratch that July date...it's August 26th, y'all!  Ready for some dated sarcasm!?!




Is Tom Holland going to tell us the ending too?
(Don't you ruin it either now!  Sure, I started writing this back before Avengers came out but I had shit to do (it's called owning a bidnezz) so you may have seen it already, Mr. Burnscrooge McDuck...with your "vacays," "weekends off," "petty cash," and your precious "popped corn"...it's been out for a grip, yo...but we're waiting for Redbox so we can ride our bikes & get it for 75¢ or 🆓 & shmizz dem herbs while we watch it versus paying $15 bucks to sit next to "a ruh-tard" that speaks to the silver screen like it's an Amazon Alexa device.  And about the Daleks taking video store clerk jobs...sorry Family Video but Mark Ruffalo's weirdo tweets made us not want to spend the measly 3 bones.)
Tom Holland Leaks Avengers Sequel Title - Diehard Designs(Lemme guess: Spider Tom The 3rd shows off Stark Industries' newest IronPad 3D featuring a CoD4 screenshot of a Tom Hanks NPC while getting suited up backstage for track & field training in the Danger Room?  Is this the device that beats Thanos?  Again, don't spoil it...I'm waiting for the bootleg VHS to drop.)

Someone pretending to be Tom Holland or...possibly...actual Tom Holland...shared with us an extremely rare & controversial poster featuring the scrapped subtitle to the most anticipated sequel to a sequel's sequel since...well...since ever(Unless you're a Godzilla fan...then Kang of the Monsters is the most anticipated sequel ever.  If so, we got an article on that battle royalé, right hnaw.)  We thought we should pay it forward share this rare promotional poster (kinda like how Julian Assange's WikiLeaks heroically shared all those chomo-y Podesta emails about spirit cooking, pizza, & "hotdogs") so you can see why it was NOT going to go over very well with the easily #triggered Marvel "fans."
Avengers Infinity War Sequel Title Leaked(Rumor has it that Disney execs promised that it's not "that kind" of Race War despite working with murderous Nazi Wernher Von Braun to create artwork for the U.S. space program.  The question now is...are there golden shlongs on the cover of The Little Mermaid?)
Maaaybee - RDJ MEME GIF

It was an obviously poor choice for the name of a kid's movie but apparently the mischievous artist criminal culprit who created such a blasphemous poster hadn't been "woke" yet.  The perp, who we'll assume is a "He" who is probably but not provably a YT cisgender bigot colonist, didn't put wahmen in the lead cuz he's likely part of Cobra-like terrorist organizations ComicsGate, GamerGate, MGTOW, No Ma'am, The "Confident Young Men aka The "Apologetic Guys," The Dreadnoks...fuckin' Slytherin, The Sith...The Evil Horde...V.E.N.O.M....all the bad guy groups...this dude is in'em deep like a unicorn horn butt plug in a leashed leather fetish K9 slave dancing for/with little kids at a Pride parade.  Though he could argue that Tom Hanks playin' Forrest Gump, a vaxxxine-damaged cuckold who takes full blown AIDs-infected Jenn-aye back after she banged every band member from "100 Huge Hits of the 60's & 70's" 4 CD box set, is basically like having a bearded woman in the film, so he could have mansplained himself out of a portion of his criminal offense.  But...that doesn't explain using Prefontaine when there's Postfontaine available. 
To show you how far this sickening sequel subtitle got before it was given the ol' shitcan...there was even special track suits designed by Nike for maximum aerodynamics!  (Also, Colin Kaepernik made sure to have the American flag removed from their shoes for maximum virtual signaling.)  Luckily for the entire crew, it wasn't the final choice because...duh: racing is racist & sexist.

(Wouldn't it be tite if these NASCAR outfits get slapped on a group of scientists that tag along with The A-Team...and the A's get kinda worn off after getting hit with Gamma Rays or whatever hit sexy Carol Danvers to transition her to butch Carl Manvers...and BAM....the Avengers Logo gets turned into a Fantastic Four logo!?!  Even better...what if that doesn't happen at all and some force-fed Mary Sue beats Thanos?  Am I right fellas?)

(They even gave Tyler Black Seth Rollins one so he could curbstomp a bald badgoy at the ironically named Stomping Grounds PPV.)


Hold on...pause the article...stop the presses...is that 9 pale-ass, Powder-lookin' ass, ghostly-features-havin' ass gweilo actors? (If you said 10...remember Monday Night Rollins isn't an actor, y'all...he's a pro rassler...which is not like an actor since rasslin' is 100% real & not scripted/coreographed/pre-determined!)

LeBron!  There's kids watching!  Language!  Jordan never talked like that, btw, which further solidifies His Airness as the GOAT.  (Not that Goat, bub.)  Speculation has it that LeBron said he can fix this mistake by ramming in super racist "historical vengeance" by replacing all the classic heroes with communistic creepazoids adding his new characters: Rant-Man, BrownEye, Black Kiddo, Bald Bhabie, Iron Mane, Hammer Time, Green Giant, & Captain Liberia (which actually sounds pretty cool cuz Liberia was first American colony in Africa & is crazy AF) but the downside: L.J. (not good ol' Larry Johnson aka GrandMaMa...we been talking 'bout boring ol' LeBron James) says Rocket Racoon is wacist for having a certain "C Word" somewhere hidden in his name.  (Cket?  I don't get it.)  So he wants to change it to vicious pit-fighting dog named Rocket Rottweiler.  Whatever you do, don't tell Mrs. James about South Park's resident vigilante: The Coon.

  This "If I Could Be Like Mike" Ball Handler has a point: Isn't this a hate crime in our modern Demolition Man-1984-Minority Report-Terminator 2 Dark Future-esque Dystopian Clown World Prison Planet "current year" timeline?  No, there is no such thing...all physically violent crimes are acts of hatred...cuz whatchu think getting robbed at gun point = love?  Fucks wrong witchu?  Egregious.  Where's the Southern Poverty Lie Center?  Where's race-baiting Root?  Where's the holier-than-thou, pretend to reach out to the other side but call them names instead to deaden the sentiment late nite Commie-dians?

(Oh...there they are. Never mind.  Or should we say...HIVE MIND?)

Oh, I was just informed by the good folks who threatened Tucker Carlson's wife & kids...that most, but not all, have publicly shown guilt for maybe/maybe not/totally not being related to slave owners, benefiting from mythical "white privilege," living in Spike Lee's "racist" AmeriKKKa, & being under the "totalitarian dictatorship" of Grand Dragon Trump.  Let's see where these cracka-ass #YTPipo stand with a PASS/FAIL gimmick.  (Where's my gavel?  Court is in session & Judge Dredd is on the bench, betchez!)

#1: Nebula - Her character is bald and while she could argue alopecia for her inability to grow hair normally like this War Vet did after being accused of being a "Neo-Nazi"...if you ask SJW loons posing as Comic Book Industry vets like Aubrey Sitterson: Bald + Caucasian = Skinhead(We're looking at you Bill Burr, Bruce Willis, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Baron Corbin, The Good Bros., Sinead O'Connor (R.I.P.), & (skeet skeet) Megan Fox...all y'all 1940's German National Socialist sympathizers now!  Go put on a rug like George Castanza before we relaunch The Nuremburg Trials on that ass!)  Luckily, Nebby's painted blue like Kate Upton's boobs...so Supreme Leader Sitterson can't see the "problematic nature" of Nebby's look due to his hypocritical double standards.  Add that the wack actor that plays 'Bula feels bad about looking sexy AF in Jumanji and so for that alone, she gets a PASS.

(That faceyou make when you wonder aloud if you came back to the future during Neo-PsuedoLiberal-Puritanical Times.)

("Yo Robin, I'ma letchu finish but it's "CURRENT YEAR!"  DoI get extra points for two Jumanji references in one article that's not about Jumanji in any way?)

#2: Black Widow claims "me so solly" about playing historically Japanese character in Ghost in the Shell so she dropped out of playing a feller in Rub n Tug.  She gets the PASS.

#3: Hulk hates Fly Over Country, loves baby killing, & all that jizz jazz but did loose major SJW points when he cast a dude as a dude who thinks he's a chick.  Still though, his daily virtue signals on Totalitarian Twitter give him the ol' Passaroo.  Luckily, Marvel got rid of that American History X Hulk, Edward Norton, 'cuz between that & Fight Club...this fella would've gotten X-Pac heat from the snowflake crowd.

🔥🌳SMOKE BREAK🌳🔥
(Twist up your green herb from Resident Evil...you made it this far...you deserve it like OJ deserved the death penalty for murdering choosing to abort his ex-wife!)

Member🍇 when those celebretards cut this fart-felt promo?


Member🍇 when the parodies dropped?






Member🍇 Member Berries?



#4: Cap hates "Drumpf" because Hate Trumps Love so ze dressed up as a girl to make up for playing a toxic #YT male
patriotic patriarch.  PASS.

#5: Hawkeye has his own page on some insane website called "Encyclopedia Problematica"...rumored to be ran by either a cabal of psychoagressions...(which is defined as psychos who are constantly triggered by imaginary "microaggressions"...I just created the term)...OR it's ran by some snarky dudes who are fuckin' hilarious.  Let's thank them for the digital tombstone that forever reminds us that Jeremy Renner aka J-Ren The Gangster Rapper said the repulsive curse word: Gypsy.  We're surprised he hasn't popped up on-line being buried up to his neck & pelted with large rocks until his brain hemorrhages.  He get's a bold FAIL.

#6: Rocket Racoon.  As mentioned before...doesn't matter what the actor has done behind the scenes, in RL...the comicbook character's name alone has #Triggered softshells like Mizz LeBron who are looking for anything they can complain about so they can muster up sympathy & gain control of ERRYTING in order to vandalize the Republic with leftist tears.  I love the fury bugger...as we all do...though The Mouse House could've saved some scrilla if they had replaced Ellen''s bestie, Brad Cooper, with old voice clips of Bugs Bunny.  But who cares what we think...we're just Flyover Country Deplorables, right Hillary?  This Coon (not Cartman...Rocket) gets a FAIL.

#7: Ant-Man bashed babysitter murderin' misogonist, Michael Myers, until green goulash oozed out his orifices so he gets a PASS.  Plus he did an anti-gun PSASeason PASS.  He don't even need to stop for police or pay at toll roads anymore...sort of like how a Saudi Prince who just abused "escorts" on U.S. soil gets zero jail time. A+ A++ A+++


#8: Iron Man might secretly be a Conservative who opposes the inheritance tax (soon coming to a socialist-controlled Big🚨Guv near you like in India)...which is punishable by bike lock assault in Commiefornia.  Also, remember this "Act of H8"?

Either turn your name into Beto Downy Jr. & change your character's name to Betony Stark or you'll catch FAIL brick to the mush like this innocent bystander beneficiary of Native Peoples' genocide:

("Snatch'em out his truck...hit'em wita brick & I'm dancin'!")

#9: ThorPuh-lease.  While the ladies (and performers at Drag Queen Story Time) do like a hunk of manflesh just lurking 'round trying to move furniture, clean pools, mow lawn, & what not...there's way too much dude bro here.  He does play an bluepill NPC in the latest MIB atrocity reboot...but that's just not enough boot licking & pushing for infinity wars(Hint: Be more like pro-forever deployment Ben Shapiro.)  Unless Loki's big brother stars in Broke Back Mountain 2: Sloppy Seconds with Jake "The Snake" Gylenhall...then Odinson is out with a capital F for FAIL.




 Sure the coulda-woulda-shoulda title was controversial & surely would have stirred up a ruckus...but at least it's not the stashed-away-in-a-vault-cuz-Social-Justice-Warriors-would-start-a-riot animation masterpiece despicably reprehensible trash-terpiece "Song of the South"...right?  (If you did like it...prepare for unemployment like a pro-Trump meme-lovin' police officers in Philly.  Big Brother is watching you.)  Disney, which is French for Pedophile Death Cult according to Wikipedia, has dealt with races before; Herby the Love Bug...Toy Story Racer...Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour...the Cars franchise...the race to the bottom for wages by replacing American workers with low paid foreign H1B1 scabs...so this one might have been pretty decent, don't ya think
We've graded the Avengers on their "WOKE AF" levels so now let's look at the participants in this not-happening Wacky Race:

(Another list!?! YASSS QUEEN!  Check it though, we don't make you click like a trillion & a half pages that take forever to load AND our ads are for our own products & services so this is way cooler.  But hey, if you want to have your browser lock up on listicles from Zergnet...go for it, bub.)


BLACK PANTHER

Black Panther does have some crazy legs.  (Sure, "crazy" isn't PC but it doesn't sound right when you say "mentally disabled legs" when describing a dudes ability to run really fast...so chill, cuz in this case...crazy is a compliment, bub.)  His stamina is through the roof...he once listened to a very ugly respectable wahman talking for over 20 minutes without teeping her into the bottom-less pit from 300.  He's so fast he'll remind you of Barry Sanders after mainlining a 2 liter of pure, uncut ephedrine.

("Did somebody say MY name?"  No one was talking about you G.I. Joe Night Force Crazy Legs.  Jeesh.)

Word in the NFL dirt sheets is that Carolina is lookin' to sign T'Challa as both a mascot AND a running back.
Carolina Black Panthers Mascot
(I'm going to no-sell the totally bad ass Black Pink Panther mash-up mascot and move right into Ruh-Roh Raggy...is that cosplayer appropriating Wakandan culture?)

(If you can't hear this hilariousness...then turn up your damn speakers.  Derp.)

Some anonymous sources (thank you NYTimes) are saying The King Kat of Wakanda should bow out of this particular race because all he's really doing is running from responsibility back at home.  Mr. T ('Challa) pities this fool & says he don't know that cooky bish but for sure, she needs to stop blowing up his phone from private numbers while he's with working out or he's getting a restraining order.

(CNN quotes this lady saying "T'Challa gon' pay for these kids.")

Speaking of kids...remember when kids of the wrong color wore the Black Panther costume for Halloween?  (Yeah, me neither.)  As if that Crazy Hot Asian chick dressed as Okoye up there didn't already get me #TRIGGERED.
(What the hell is a "kid of the wrong color"?  Is that even a thing?  My nephews love all cool super heroes...but are they allowed love cool super heroes of different pigments like Black Panther?  Should Target even sell me a Black Panther costume or should I be arrested for trying?  These questions & more in the next episode...of The Twilight Zone.)

Guess with that in mind...we're not going to see Rick Jones step in to lead the reclusive African nation.  Awe shucks.

(YT BP?  YASSS BISH!  Because there are actually pale ass Afrikaners in South Africa (if they're still alive) & Stan Lee was fine with Michael B. Jordan being Johnny Storm and there are grips of different Spider-Men...oddly enough, this might work...though Marvel might get accused of "black erasure.")

CAPTAIN AMERICA


Captain (Anti-)America, if you recall...kept up with BP (short for Black Panther, yo...NOT those oil spillin' super villains British Petroleum.  We're watching you evil BP and we know your Red Coat tricksWolverines!)...or one might say that BP kept up with Cap...though that might be a microagression...as they ran to fight illegal aliens "refugees" in Avengers: Infinity War vs Immigrant Caravan Part 1.  Let's remember together, shall we?


Oops...wrong video.  Here's the correct video:

(Like Macaroni said..."Nationalism is Treason.  Blue is Red.  2 + 2 = 5.  Defending the border of Wakanda with a laser wall AND super soldiers?  Off with their heads!  Also, no doors on homes...time to share, stingy grinches...and no private property...it's everyone's property.  Oh and no guns...we'll protect you.  Now stop protesting the "global warming cLIEmate change wealth theft & redistribution" gas tax & line up over by that ditch you dug at gunpoint & turn your dirty faces away from us vhile vee load zee rifles.")


(Sharing stealing is caring wrong.)

Zir Christina Evans...who plays the patriotic & awesome heroic super soldier evil Nationalist militia member, Captain Imperial Inbred Redneck Slave Owning Racist Country America in the propaganda movies & a whiny, limousine liberal ❄️ in RL & on Twitter (the aforementioned social engineering platform creating faux consensus & outrage)...sees everyone ze disagrees with as a "time traveling Nazi."   (Here to kill Sarah Connor?)  It's actually a mental illness according to this Doctor and a great way to pull a "Get Out of Losing the Debate FREE" card on someone shattering their fragile ideology like Luddites smashing the cotton gin.


(With this card it's like playing the classic board game Monopoly but only in that you have a monopoly on victimhood.)


(Mugatu & Natasha from Rocky & Bullwinkle have an eye for trends.)

Yep, ze & his ilk have daily insane & dangerous delusions about the return of millions of long dead soldiers of that fecal mustache-having...Shitler.  Folks like Chrissy E thinks these creeps still exist & have military arms like this is Colonia Dignidad, Chile 40-50 years ago.  Sure there's probably some nuts out there who think it's WWII, like these walking turds, still but purdy sure...they're 100% wrong, highly outnumbered, & highly outgunned.  The real threat today, in McCarthyism 2.0, is getting mislabeled a real life Colonel Klink or a Sergeant Schultz by some pink haired spit launcher...you could lose everything just by the accusation.  Reminds you a bit of Puritanical Salem in 1692-1693.  Make an O.K sign with your hand nowadays lands you right in Social Justice Jail and you might as well have dressed up as Gaydolph Shitler (or Fascist Dictator Chef Roseanne) for Halloween!

If you do this:


Or this:


Or this:


You're literally this:

(There's something about his face that just makes you want to punch the crap out of it.)

Paint an American Flag mural on the outside wall of your business?  You're now a fuggin' Nazi for some reason.


Being a popular Jewish speaker like Ben Shapiro or Dennis Prager...or attending their speeches?  So much Nazism...I just can't.  SHUT. IT. DOWN.


Don't vote for Hitlery Killtons?  Well, in Backwwards World, lead by Backwards Man...you're an undead 1940's German Soldier who personally started the second World War.
Captain Anti-America MEME
("This heel turn was supposed to draw in you flyover Deplorables but instead you dare reject it & take the Red Pill?  No matter.  Despite not winning the Presidency, I am still in the Deep State!  Onward with the unrolling of The Verbal Morality Statutes!" - Darth Hillary)

Blah Blah Blah...let's cut to the chase already: The main reason Chrissy won't win the Race...he's a misogynist for appreciating oogling her unrestrained voluptuous knockers ample breasts!

(Dang girl...dem sum Tig 'O Bitties!)


(Daaang...dem jugs drew flies faster than a steamy pile of dog shite on a hot Summer day!  Repeat after me: "PizzaGate is a conspiracy theory.  PizzaGate is a conspiracy theory.  PizzaGate is a conspiracy theory.")


PREFONTAINE

Prefontaine will actually have his old medals revoked because they'll find some flippant, non-PC remarks he said back in the 70's about "guys racing girls being unfair due to chicks being at a natural disadvantage" back in the days when speaking biological truths wasn't so frowned upon.  Yes, the "They Live: Microaggression Detection Glasses" we (are forced to) view modern times through must now be worn while looking into the past to censor anything that's right of Mao.  That sounds a lot like when Ronda Rousey said a biological man has an advantage...in fact, the Mob says she's gotta go too even though she wasn't in the promotional poster and even though she critiized Manny Pacqiao!

(Mobs gonna knock you!)

FOREST GUMP
Forest Gump, I'm sorry to say, will be disqualified & uninvited for being a brave Patriot who served his country in the Vietnam War.  (Thanks a lot Jane Fonda!) 


Because never forget...'Merica was never great.  (Or so we are told by people who hate America & the people who live here.)

(Difficulty Level: HARD)

FALCON
Falcon won't win despite being mislabeled a "victim" and a "minority" just because he happens to have dark skin.  This beast mode soldier is strong, independent, hard working cis-het male pushing heteronormative stereotypes of gender by being a rad pilot in control of innovative personal aviation machinery.  They'll say he's a "black white supremacist" like Kanye, Candice Owens, and Black Mic...so he won't take home the gold.  So just like Scarlet Johanssen said about playing an anime character..."Me So Solly."

(A spot so good...it gets referenced twice!)

BUCKY
Bucky...he's not been a loud enough voice for "social justice" online so his self hatred & racial guilt, or lack there of, is highly suspect.  He might not feel guilt for who he is & who his ancestors were (or weren't)...and that's obviously problematic.

IRON MAN

Tony Stark...the 1% white supremacist who's fortunes were gotten by fascist means like capitalism & war...who's real last name is likely Drumpf...who won't vote Bernie/Cortez 2020 cuz "muh taxes are too high already"...don't even ask...cuz his Father & he didn't build Stark Industries...Obama & Big Guv did.  So you better learn about the evil patriarchy & why "HEY HEY, HO HO...TONY STARK HAS GOT TO GO" you bigoted & privileged toxic masculinity-having #ComicsGate #GamerGate #MensRight extremist fanboys.

HULK

Hulk.  Wait a minute...didn't Gawker catch him saying some words usually saved for 1st Amendment-loving rappers from Compton?  OH👏NO👏HE👏DIDN'T!  (Gawker shut down because of it.)  Sure WWE brought him back recently at the controversial Saudi Arabia Super Show (supposedly, the crown prince of SA is accused of mercing a Jeff Bezos reporter)...but that doesn't mean that The Borg is ready to forgive!

THE DIVAS LADIES CHICKS GIRLS BROADS DAMES 2 BEINGS THAT IDENTIFY AS FEMALE

Michonne & Black Widow, while unable to beat any male Avengers or marathon runners in any real life physical activities other than screaming quite shrilly, swinging CGI swords to "kill" already dead people, and crappin' babies out their front holes, will likely have twice as much gas in the tank as all BROs combined so look for the first place trophy to equally go to the coven in the name of "we're like...totes progressive & inclusive...unless your a yucky old fashioned straight boy who's part of the oppressive patriarchy...believe all women, you guilty-by-association rapists...neo-segregation safe spaces now!"  Oh yeah, and if you haven't noticed yet...women being the hero in all fictional media is now enforced by law street violence.

Segregation Magazine
(Why read the soft champagne socialist undertones in Playboy when you can just go full throttle with this "inclusive" mag?  Now that the Lenny shut down...make the switch today.)


(Remember, if you don't succumb to their demands...Madonna is going to blow up all the white houses in your neighborhood cuz she's ultra tolerant.)

(Should'a painted it when you had the chance but nooooo...you had to play your precious Red Dead Redemption.)



At first, they might try to give the trophy to Black Widow...thinking that her name was signifying that she was some sort of super hero version of Rachel Dolezal, the lady who hates her ancestors & herself thanks to falling for Marxist anti-🇺🇸 indoctrination.
 

But then they'll see the name Michonne...and they'll think maybe it used to be a dude named Mitch who switched it up.

(Youdon't want to piss him her ZIR/HIR/THEM off or else you'll get the hose again.)

With that in mind, the terrified judges probably won't want to get accused of being a "transphobic" (fear of Transylvanians...literally a hate crime) and get burned at the stake in the public square blocked from earning a living and communicating through social media monopolies only to die in a slow motion starvation while everyone watches & does nothing to help...so they'll just say eff it...both passed the finish line at the same time so both are Numero Uno!  Problematic problem solved!

So there you go...Avengers: Race War...it's only 15-20 bones per person for seats you can't change even if there's a stinky farter crepitating moist sharts with a thickness one can taste...almost mist-like it's it's presense...with the texture of that gaseous cloud shot from a Halloween fog machine with added rotting balogna scent or equally as bad...an inconisdierately loud interrupter speaking to the silver screen like it's FaceTime...
placed right next to you.  And don't you dare wear a M.A.G.A. Hat...to be safe...don't wear a red hat (unless you're lookin' to get it confused & have your corpse sent to the ER...but ain't nobody got time for that...you're trying to hit Applebees before the night's over)...or anything resembling the stars & stripes unless you want to play the Knock Out Game witchyo cracka ass.  Isn't that enticing?

  Yes!