Thought Crime by Diehard Dustin Lee November 12th, 2018
Is Tom Holland going to tell us the ending too? (Spider Tom The 3rd shows off Stark Industries' newest IronPad 3D featuring a CoD4 screenshot of a Tom Hanks NPC while getting suited up backstage for track & field training in the Danger Room.)
While it's a poor choice for the name of a kid's movie...meh...it's not our choice. Certainly, in a perfect world...after seeing Ant-Man & The Wasp dabble in The Quantum Realm...and *SPOILER ALERT* Ant-Man getting stuck there in a mid-credits scene then being pictured with the Avengineers in the leaked images below ...we would all agree on "Honey I Shrunk The Avengers." That'd be a cool name...bring back Wayne Szalinski & zap'em with that shrink ray! Sadly, no word on Rick Moranis & Bob Iger inking a deal...so it's still allegedly called Avengers: Race War. 😔 But the Quantum Realm...that might be happening! Peep the suits, yo:
Hold on...pause the article...stop the presses...is that 9 white actors?
(Pardon LeBron's language. Jordan never talked like that, btw. LeBron said he can fix this mistake by ramming in adding his new characters: Rant-Man, BrownEye, Black Kiddo, Bald Bhabie, Iron Mane, Hammer Time, Green Giant, & Captain Liberia...which actually sounds pretty cool...but the downside: L.J. (not good ol' Larry Johnson aka GranMaMa...we been talking 'bout boring ol' LeBron James) says Rocket Racoon is racist for having the "C Word." So he wants to change it to vicious pit-fighting dog named Rocket Rottweiler.)
Nebula - Her character is bald and while one can argue alopecia like this War Vet did after being accused of being a "racist" for being unable to grow hair normally...if you ask SJW loons like Aubrey Sitterson: Bald + Caucasian = Nazi Skinhead. Sorry Bruce Willis, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Baron Corbin, The Good Bros., Sinead O'Connor (R.I.P.), & (skeet skeet) Megan Fox...y'all 1940's German sympathizers now! Luckily, she's painted blue...so Aubrey can't see her due to his hypocritical double standards. Add that she feels bad about looking sexy AF in Jumanji and she gets a pass.
Hawkeye has his own page on some insane website called "Encyclopedia Problematica"...rumored to be ran by a cabal of psychoagressions...which is defined as psychos who are constantly triggered by imaginary "micro aggressions"...I just created the term. You're welcome, bub. If you are trying to avoid clicking the link & want to envision it yourself...think of the horrible Daily Stormer website but only with those ugly ass big black, thick-framed goggles all the weirdos are wearing these days; smooshed up against it's greasy nose along with a rainbow choker around it's long, giraffe-like neck. While both sites differ only slightly in their far left/far right ideology...(they are super similar in their ability to radicalize readers)...the main thing that sets them apart is not ideology...it's that EnPSYCHOpedia Problematica will never be banned from the internet so they can forever remind us that Jeremy Renner said the curse word: Gypsy. We're suprised he hasn't been buried up to his neck & pelted with large rocks until his brain hemorages. He get's a bold FAIL.
Rocket Racoon. As mentioned before...doesn't matter what the actor has done behind the scenes or in RL...the comicbook character's name alone has #Triggered softshells like LeBron who are looking for anything they can complain about so they can get attention & gain control of EVERYTHING. I love RR...as we all do...but who cares what we think...we're just Flyover Country Deplorables. The Coon (not Cartman...Rocket) gets a Fail.
Ant-Man tried to kill misogynist babysitter murderer, Michael Myers, so he gets a pass. Plus he did an anti-gun PSA. Ultra Pass. He don't even need to stop for police or pay at toll roads anymore.
Thor. Too much dude bro here. Unless he stars in Broke Back Mountain 2 with Jake Gylenhall...then he's out with a Fail.
Iron Man might secretly be a Conservative...which is highly problematic. Fail.
(Bet money that these "Quantum Realm" outfits get slapped on a group of scientists that tag along with The Avengers...and the A's get warn off after getting hit with Gamma Rays or something...and BAM....the Avengers Logo gets turned Fantastic Four logo!)
("Did somebody say MY name?" Ug. We weren't talking about you G.I. Joe Night Force Crazy Legs. Jeesh.)
Word in the NFL dirt sheets is that Carolina is lookin' to sign T'Challa as both a mascot AND a running back.
(I'm going to no-sell the totally bad ass Black Pink Panther mash-up mascot and move right into Ruh-Roh Raggy...is that cosplayer appropriating Wakandan culture?)
(If you can't hear this hilariousness...then turn up your damn speakers. Derp.)
Some anonymous sources (thank you NYTimes) are saying The King Kat of Wakanda should bow out of this particular race because all he's really doing is running from responsibility back at home. Mr. T ('Challa) pities this fool & says he don't know that cooky bish but for sure, she needs to stop blowing up his phone from private numbers while he's with working out or he's getting a restraining order.
Speaking of kids...remember when kids of the wrong color wore the Black Panther costume for Halloween? (Yeah, me neither.) As if that Crazy Hot Asian chick dressed as Okoye up there didn't already get me #TRIGGERED.
(What the hell is a "kid of the wrong color"? Is that even a thing? My nephews love all cool super heroes...but are they allowed love cool super heroes of different pigments like Black Panther? Should Target even sell me a Black Panther costume or should I be arrested for trying? These questions & more in the next episode...of The Twilight Zone.)
Guess with that in mind...we're not going to see Rick Jones step in to lead the reclusive African nation. Awe shucks.
(Like Macaroni said..."Nationalism is Treason. Blue is Red. 2 + 2 = 5. Defending the border of Wakanda with a laser wall AND super soldiers? Off with their heads! Also, no doors on homes...time to share, stingy grinches...and no private property...it's everyone's property. Oh and no guns...we'll protect you. Now stop protesting the "global warmingcLIEmate change wealth theft & redistribution" gas tax & line up over by that ditch you dug at gunpoint & turn your dirty faces away from us vhile vee load zee rifles.")
(Sharing stealing is caring wrong.)
Zir Christina Evans...who plays the patriotic & awesome heroic super soldier evil Nationalist militia member, Captain Imperial Inbred Redneck Slave Owning Racist Country America in the propaganda movies & a whiny, limousine liberal ❄️ in RL & on Twitter(the aforementioned social engineering platform creating faux consensus & outrage)...sees everyone ze disagrees with as a "time traveling Nazi." (Here to kill Sarah Connor?) It's actually a mental illness according to this Doctor and a great way to pull a "Get Out of Losing the Debate FREE" card on someone shattering their fragile ideology like Luddites smashing the cotton gin.
(With this card it's like playing the classic board game Monopoly but only in that you have a monopoly on victimhood.)
Yep, ze & his ilk have daily insane & dangerous delusions about the return of millions of long dead soldiers of that fecal mustache-having...Shitler. Folks like Chrissy E thinks these creeps still exist & have military arms like this is Colonia Dignidad, Chile 40-50 years ago. Sure there's probably some nuts out there who think it's WWII, like these walking turds, still but purdy sure...they're 100% wrong, highly outnumbered, & highly outgunned. The real threat today, in McCarthyism 2.0, is getting mislabeled a real life Colonel Klink or a Sergeant Schultz by some pink haired spit launcher...you could lose everything just by the accusation. Reminds you a bit of Puritanical Salem in 1692-1693. Make an O.K sign with your hand nowadays lands you right in Social Justice Jail and you might as well have dressed up as GaydolphShitler (or Fascist Dictator Chef Roseanne) for Halloween!
Paint an American Flag mural on the outside wall of your business? You're now a fuggin' Nazi for some reason.
Being a popular Jewish speaker like Ben Shapiro or Dennis Prager...or attending their speeches? So much Nazism...I just can't. SHUT. IT. DOWN.
Don't vote for Hitlery Killtons? Well, in Backwwards World, lead by Backwards Man...you're an undead 1940's German Soldier who personally started the second World War.
("This heel turn was supposed to draw in you flyover Deplorables but instead you dare reject it & take the Red Pill? No matter. Despite not winning the Presidency, I am still in the Deep State! Onward with the unrolling of The Verbal Morality Statutes!" - Darth Hillary)
Blah Blah Blah...let's cut to the chase already: The main reason Chrissy won't win the Race...he's a misogynist for appreciating oogling her unrestrained voluptuous knockers ample breasts!
(Dang girl...dem sum Tig 'O Bitties!)
(Daaang...dem jugs drew flies faster than a steamy pile of dog shit on a hot Summer day! Repeat after me: "PizzaGate is a conspiracy theory. PizzaGate is a conspiracy theory. PizzaGate is a conspiracy theory.")
Forest Gump, I'm sorry to say, will be disqualified & uninvited for being a brave Patriot who served his country in the Vietnam War. (Thanks a lot Jane Fonda!)
Because never forget...'Merica was never great. (Or so we are told by people who hate America & the people who live here.)
(Difficulty Level: HARD)
Falcon won't win despite being mislabeled a "victim" and a "minority" just because he happens to have dark skin. This beast mode soldier is strong, independent, hard working cis-het male pushing heteronormative stereotypes of gender by being a rad pilot in control of innovative personal aviation machinery. They'll say he's a "black white supremacist" like Kanye, Candice Owens, and Black Mic...so he won't take home the gold. So just like Scarlet Johanssen said about playing an anime character..."Me So Solly."
(A spot so good...it gets referenced twice!)
Bucky...he's not been an loud enough voice for "social justice" online so his self hatred & racial guilt, or lack there of, is highly suspect. He might not feel guilt for who he is & who his ancestors were...and that's obviously problematic.
Tony Stark...the 1% white supremacist who's fortunes were gotten by fascist means like capitalism & war...who's real last name is likely Drumpf...who won't vote Bernie/Cortez 2020 cuz "muh taxes are too high already"...don't even ask...cuz he didn't build Stark Industries...Obama & Big Guv did...so you better learn about the evil patriarchy & why "HEY HEY, HO HO...TONY STARK HAS GOT TO GO" you bigoted & privileged toxic masculinity-having #ComicsGate fanboys.
THE DIVASLADIESCHICKSGIRLSBROADSDAMES 2 BEINGS THAT IDENTIFY AS FEMALE
Michonne & Black Widow, while unable to beat any male Avengers or marathon runners in any real life physical activities other than screaming quite shrilly, swinging CGI swords to "kill" alreadydead people, and crappin' babies out their front holes, will likely have twice as much gas in the tank as all BROs combined so look for the first place trophy to equally go to the coven in the name of "we're like...totes progressive & inclusive...unless your a yucky old fashioned straight boy who's part of the oppressive patriarchy...believe all women, you guilty-by-association rapists...neo-segregation safe spaces now!" Oh yeah, and if you haven't noticed yet...women being the hero in all fictional media is now enforced by law street violence.
(Why read the soft champagne socialist undertones in Playboy when you can just go full throttle with this "inclusive" mag? Now that the Lenny shut down...make the switch today.)
(Remember, if you don't succumb to their demands...Madonna is going to blow up all the white houses in your neighborhood cuz she's ultra tolerant.)
(Should'a painted it when you had the chance but nooooo...you had to play your precious Red Dead Redemption.)
At first, they might try to give the trophy to Black Widow...thinking that her name was signifying that she was some sort of super hero version of Rachel Dolezal, the lady who hates her ancestors & herself thanks to falling for Marxist anti-🇺🇸 indoctrination.
But then they'll see the name Michonne...and they'll think maybe it used to be a dude named Mitch who switched it up.
(Youdon't want to piss himher ZIR/HIR/THEM off or else you'll get the hose again.)
With that in mind, the terrified judges probably won't want to get accused of being a "transphobic" (fear of Transylvanians...literally a hate crime) and get burned at the stake in the public square blocked from earning a living and communicating through social media monopolies only to die in a slow motion starvation while everyone watches & does nothing to help...so they'll just say eff it...both passed the finish line at the same time so both are Numero Uno! Problematic problem solved!
So there you go...Avengers: Race War...it's only 15-20 bones per person for seats you can't change even if there's a stinky farter crepitating moist sharts with a thickness one can taste...almost mist-like it's it's presense...with the texture of that gaseous cloud shot from a Halloween fog machine with added rotting balogna scent or equally as bad...an inconisdierately loud interrupter speaking to the silver screen like it's FaceTime...
placed right next to you. And don't you dare wear a M.A.G.A. Hat...to be safe...don't wear a red hat (unless you're lookin' to get it confused & have your corpse sent to the ER...but ain't nobody got time for that...you're trying to hit Applebees before the night's over)...or anything resembling the stars & stripes unless you want to play the Knock Out Game witchyo cracka ass. Isn't that enticing?